So, my roomie and I decide to go out clubbing last night. I told her, I have only 27 days left until I turn 50, so I want to take advantage of every day left! She (being 35) assures me that I don't need to panic. In fact, she says, you don't look a day over 40. After all, if you did, people would wonder why I was hanging out with you! Wow, that made me feel better...not. Anyway, I love to go dancing. . I have been several times in the past 9 months since my separation. Usually to clubs filled with 20 and 30 somethings, cause well, that's what I "see" myself as. Tonight, we decided to hit a club with an older crowd...30,40 years old and up usually go here. It is an upscale crowd in a fluent part of town. This club is "the place to be".
We walk in the door and it hits me like a slap in the face. I DO NOT LIKE WHAT I SEE. Cougars...everywhere. To my right at a table, two very attractive blonde women who frankly look like a carbon copy of myself. I see them and think...look at those poor cougars, how pathetic. Then I think..oh shit...that's ME! Do I look like that? and do people think that when they see me? Then up near the bar, three women who appear to be in their 40's. They are dressed very provocatively and are very attractive and sexy.. But to me, they seem pathetic. and scary. and again I think...is that what I am? I tell my roomie that I don't like this place and we should head to the club we usually go to, but she refuses. "We are here," she says. "I don't want to go all the way downtown." I immediately order a martini.. (I usually drink beer cause liquor makes me a bit crazy) I even tell her, "You know why I don't like this place? Because it is a mirror of what I am now, and I don't want to be that." She just tells looks at me, a bit taken aback. I down the martini and order a beer. I know I am gonna need to drink a lot tonight.
So, after a martini and two beers, I begin to loosen up (imagine that) and we do see some friends of ours there. We go over to where they are sitting and I decide to just get out on the dance floor with everyone else. Once the music starts pounding and alcohol takes over, I begin to have fun. Lots of fun. Just acting crazy, dancing with whoever comes by. I see everyone else having fun as well. No, they are not all 20 years old and beautiful. They are all ages, sizes and colors. But the one thing in common is that we are all there to meet others, have fun, dance a little, and maybe, just maybe, find someone compatible to hang out with for a while, if only for tonight. I look across the dance floor and see a beautiful Jamaican man looking at me. I look directly at him and with the finesse of a cougar on the prowl, begin to lure him towards me. We dance all night, laughing and having fun with everyone else. I have no clue if he knows I will be 50 in 3 weeks, and frankly, does it matter? Age is just a number. It is how we feel inside that counts. And right now, this night, I feel free and young at heart. And if that looks foolish to others....who cares.
He asks for my "digits" as we leave for the night. He texts me first thing this morning. Being as he is just 33 years old, I kindly thank him for his attentions, but tell him, alas, he is too young for me. But if he ever wants to have fun dancing again, I am up for it. Yes, age is just a number, but reality is reality.
