Better Off? Who says????

"Well, you're better off."

These are the words that are repeated so often after someone has heard of your unfortunate circumstances, i.e. THE DIVORCE .  Am I better off? This judgement from someone who is usually married and speaking from the relative comfort of a marital relationship. I never hear this from those of us who are divorced or widowed.  Exactly how am I better??

• Sleepless nights worrying about money. 
•  Sleepless nights worrying about the health of emotionally ravaged children.
• Friendships or perceived friendships that just vanish into thin air 
• Sexually suspect all of a sudden, the subject of moral ridicule, the subject of sexual ridicule
• lonely nights,  lonely mornings.
• family vacations that will never happen
• Vacationing alone because you have no one to take
• The subject of much neighborhood gossip
• Christmas cards cut by 80%
• Painful holidays 
• Birthdays that just slip by   
• The inevitable letters from lawyers or CPA's telling you that your decree is going to change
• Trying your best to stand up when all you want to do is crumble
• A regretful past, an uncertain present and a completely frightening future 

Then there is the blossoming friendship, the renewed friendships,  the
man that helps you feel alive again. the laughter, the tears. Some new
opportunities, business or otherwise. There is a call from a friend, "Buy a plane ticket,  we're going to Mexico!"There is the regret in a friend's eyes because they judged you wrongly and they miss you.  But you know that they have lost you and that's ok. Maybe your new friends will appreciate you more and you will make better choices of friends and relationships in the frightening future.   

 

I do have my health again. I am most grateful for that and my kids have shown real maturity in building a new relationship with their estranged father.  The past is not all regret. I know logically and literally, that he is the one who has  lost and really suffering, so why doesn't this make me feel victorious? Are any of us really better off?